School counselors: A lifeline for students facing tragedy

The headlines are deeply heartbreaking—ranging from the tragic murder-suicide in Brighton, New York, to the pervasive fear caused by ongoing school shootings across the nation. The emotional impact of these events extends beyond those directly affected, creating ripples of pain, sorrow, and confusion across communities. 

Children, in particular, struggle to process such traumatic events. Their ability to cope depends heavily on the support they receive from the adults around them—especially school counselors and families.

For children whose emotional development is still evolving, tragedies can be uniquely destabilizing. While they may face more common forms of loss—such as the death of a loved one, parental divorce, or the passing of a pet—the sudden and violent nature of these tragedies can leave them feeling frightened and confused.

Bonnie Rubenstein, EdD, a professor and director of the school counseling program at the Warner School of Education and Human Development, explains that this is where the expertise of highly trained school counselors becomes essential. 

“Equipped with specialized knowledge in grief, trauma, and loss, school counselors play a critical role in helping children navigate their emotions and regain a sense of security,” says Rubenstein, an expert in grief and loss. “Their training ensures they can address the unique challenges posed by such tragedies while fostering resilience and emotional healing in students.”

Can students learn if they are hurting? 

Rubenstein highlights the challenges children face in these situations: “They are distracted, worried, fearful, and sad. Left unaddressed, grief and trauma can infiltrate all areas of their lives, including academic performance and social well-being.”

She adds, “When a child is hurting, it impacts the entire family. Families, too, need support and comfort to be the best they can be for their children.”

The essential role of school counselors

School counselors are often the frontline of support for students and families in the wake of tragedy. While schools typically have support teams—including social workers, psychologists, nurses, and administrators—school counselors are uniquely positioned to provide ongoing social-emotional support to all students.

Trained to address grief, trauma, and loss, school counselors create safe spaces where children feel heard and valued. They lead support groups, facilitate discussions, and work with teachers to identify students needing additional help. By fostering a school environment that prioritizes mental health, counselors help children regain a sense of normalcy and security.

Additionally, school counselors collaborate with families to ensure support extends beyond school walls. They provide resources, strategies, and regular communication that bridge the gap between school and home, creating a cohesive support system.

In New York State, school counselors are required to address students’ social-emotional, academic, and career development. At the Warner School, graduate students preparing to become school counselors receive comprehensive training for these roles, beginning with an introductory course that includes experiential learning in restorative circles. This foundation is reinforced throughout a year-long Internship and seminar.

“From day one, our school counselors are trained to lead grief and loss circles for students, parents, and teachers,” says Rubenstein. “This training equips counselors to meet the immediate and long-term needs of their school communities.”

Helping children cope after a tragedy

Rubenstein shares the valuable strategies and approaches school counselors use to help students navigate their emotions and build resilience after a tragic event. She also highlights ways families can reinforce this support at home.

1. Recognize signs of trauma and intervene early. Trauma isn’t always immediately apparent. Some of the signs school counselors watch for are changes in academic performance, sleep patterns, appetites, social interactions, and behavior. Additionally, adolescents may engage in risky behaviors as they grapple with emotions. School counselors, who often notice these changes first during the school day, play a critical role in early intervention. Parents should also stay attuned to behavioral shifts at home and communicate concerns with the school.
    
2. Provide reassurance of safety. Children need to feel cared for and safe. School counselors understand the importance of emphasizing that this was an extremely rare event and that the individual(s) is no longer a threat. They answer students’ questions honestly but avoid sharing unnecessary details unless they specifically ask for them. Most importantly, they remain calm and foster an environment where students feel supported by caring adults. Parents can reinforce these messages of safety at home.
    
3. Tailor support to different age groups. According to Rubenstein, school counselors understand the various developmental stages of children and their complex reactions to tragedy and loss and relate to children on their level. Children’s understanding of death and their ability to process grief evolve with age. School counselors and teachers work together to provide age-appropriate communication in the classroom, while parents can reinforce these messages at home. For younger children, this might include avoiding using euphemisms that might confuse them and offering simple, truthful explanations instead. Older children and teens often benefit from more detailed discussions and opportunities to express their concerns. Additionally, school counselors equip parents with resources to facilitate age-appropriate conversations at home.
    
4. Prioritize mental health resources. School counselors collaborate with teachers to integrate mental health initiatives into the classroom and provide resources for parents to extend support at home. Additionally, school counselors offer resources to students and families, such as referrals to mental health professionals and access to support groups, and tools for coping with stress. Professional learning for school counselors and self-care strategies are also vital to sustaining this work. 
    
5. Encourage emotional expression and creativity. Grieving children benefit from opportunities to express themselves. School counselors organize creative activities such as painting, journaling, or music therapy to help children access and articulate their emotions. Parents can support these efforts at home, creating moments of connection and healing.
    
6. Foster empathy and community healing. Turning pain into purpose can be a powerful step toward healing. School counselors often encourage children to engage in acts of kindness or community service, giving them a sense of agency and connection. Parents can also model and promote these acts of kindness among their children.

Moving forward together

The grief following tragedies, such as the Brighton incident and school shootings, is profound, but it doesn’t have to define us, says Rubenstein. “By fostering open communication, offering targeted support, and nurturing a partnership between school counselors and families, we can help children find resilience and hope,” she says.

She concludes, “While we cannot erase the pain, school counselors can build a future rooted in understanding, compassion, and the unwavering commitment to protecting children in schools.”